


What a Way to Go

by DisplacedWarrior



Category: Guiding Light
Genre: F/F, remastered fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29497026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisplacedWarrior/pseuds/DisplacedWarrior
Summary: Natalia doesn't appreciate Olivia being Frank's cheerleader.
Relationships: Natalia Rivera/Olivia Spencer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	What a Way to Go

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** What a Way to Go
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I'm not even lucky enough to own these characters in my dreams.
> 
> **Beta:** all the extremely many thanks to nerdsbianhokie for looking this over but also I mucked around with it some more afterwards so any mistakes are almost definitely still my own
> 
> **Author's Notes take 1:** This story takes place the morning after Olivia's thoughtful 'cheer-up Natalia dinner but wait Frank can you do me a favor fail'. The events of the 1.02.09 episode remain cannon but then veer blissfully into A/U.
> 
> **Author's Notes take 2:** Everything up to this point was lifted p much directly from when I posted the original version of this story, when I asked nerdsbianhokie to look both versions over for me they immediately commented on the format of the notes, so I decided to keep it, maybe slam a few of ya back in time as well
> 
> although in that case I should probably add FEMSLASH DON'T LIKE DON'T READ FLAMES WILL BE USED TO ROAST MARSHMALLOWS XD
> 
> **Author's Notes take 3:** What i didn't know when i mentioned "RL being a super bitch" in my original a/n's over 10 years ago (and omgwtfbbq 10yrs) is that undiagnosed adhd and chronic depression and anxiety were huge components of that, remastering this fic was a thought I had in 2017 and now nearly 4 yrs later I actually did it and it is relatively short and a reworking but I am so incredibly proud of this little piece bc it was something fun I decided to tackle to try and get back into writing in the midst of deep depression and then actually *did*
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. ^.^

“What are you even good for?” Olivia spits at the current subject of her ire.

The question having been asked of a coffee cup does not garner her a response. This leaves Olivia squinting blearily trying to gauge whether the coffee’s mere existence was _actually_ mocking her or if it was just her current inability to fully open her eyes that was the problem.

Annoyed, she pulls the cup towards her roughly but only just enough to avoid spillage.

The action does nothing to soothe her. 

In fact, it seems to have the opposite effect leaving her even more drained. Leaning as far back as her chair allowed, Olivia wondered when petty outbursts stopped being good for a quick mood booster.

Desperate to ignore the heavy atmosphere Oliva cradles her mug close to her chest. An attempt at leeching any amount of warmth or maybe caffeine vapors. 

At the thought 'caffeine vapors’ Oliva wonders if she was sleep deprived enough to be entering ‘the silly mommy stooge’ as Emma had dubbed it. Her now derailed train of thought continues careening wildly as Olivia finds her gaze captivated by the gently swirling contents of her cup. 

Completely lost in the moment Olivia just stares. Stares straight down into her mug of coffee. Stares, deeper and deeper, so deeply there's a split second she'd swear the liquid was staring back at her.

Which is absolutely when she decides to disembark from the disturbing track her brain has taken.

A fierce head shake, a quick stretch of her limbs, anything to try and dislodge _that_ unsettling thought and she is

good

to

go.

Oh, who is she kidding, four cups of imported coffee had done absolutely nothing to combat her exhaustion.  
  
A series of loud sudden knocks cuts through the quiet of Olivia’s office and she feels each one reverberating through her skull.  
  
She glares at the door as if it were personally responsible for the years catching up with her. 

Olivia knows she’s wallowing but her head is suddenly consumed by one simple thought. 

_I'm getting too damn old._

It sends a shudder through her entire body. When did she lose her ability to function on no sleep? 

Rest was a luxury Olivia could ill afford when working tirelessly trying to keep herself, Sam and Marissa alive. And then once that particular period of responsibility had passed?

Well, sleep was still a luxury and one she indulged in far more often. Just, not at the expense of more...pleasurable activities. With a sudden wistfulness she remembers entire weekends spent partying nonstop only to show up no worse for wear Monday morning. 

Olivia hardly even recognizes herself anymore, can't tell if it's age or illness or if Natalia truly had domesticated her like some sort of rehabilitated feral cat.  
  
Olivia pinches the bridge of her nose trying to alleviate some of the tension. She would need any advantage she could get to deal with whatever horrors awaited her on the other side of that door.

The knocking continues and Olivia briefly considers chucking her coffee cup in the direction of the sound. 

Natalia’s voice, muffled but audible accompanies this latest series of knocks, stilling Olivia's hand before the thought can become action. 

Of course it was Natalia.

Olivia resists the urge to let her head fall heavily on her desk, afraid her _assistant_ would hear it and come to investigate before Olivia figured out a proper course of action. 

The emphasis of Natalia’s work role in her mind is nothing but a laughable attempt at distance.

Olivia heaves a sigh, scrambling to gather her wits.

Keeping up with Natalia on a good day required her full focus. Going toe to toe with Natalia like _this_ could not possibly end well.

For starter’s there would be no hiding from Natalia's shrewd gaze. No excuse that would delay the inevitable. Natalia would take one look at her and in all probability haul her off to see Rick. 

And on the off chance she doesn't Olivia knows there's no way to escape without at least a lecture on the importance of taking care of herself.

The more she thinks about it though, the more Oliva’d be willing to bet that a trip to the godforsaken hospital is definitely in her future. It's far too late to do anything about the signs of a sleepless night plain as day on her face.

_And that's if she doesn't find out about all the coffee_

The thought of Natalia discovering her morning's caffeine intake has Olivia frantically tossing the entire mug, contents and all into the potted plant in the corner of her office.

This would be so much easier if she could just tell Natalia a vendor drunk dialed her or something and she couldn't fall back asleep.

Of course, she can't just lie about it, not to Natalia.

Jesus, the entirety of Springfield would have the laugh of the century if they knew.

Olivia fuckin’ Spencer who could weave a web of lies so intricate she wanted for nothing she could manipulate someone else into giving her, no longer able to sell a single falsehood to Saint Natalia. 

Though she knows most of them still wouldn't believe it after the tears of mirth had subsided, it was her very inconvenient truth.

Which put her in a very precarious position should Natalia ask after her heart.

Her heart was just fine. 

Physically at least, she's doing as well as any heart transplant patient could hope for.

It's just Olivia isn't sure she can _sell_ that truth when her heart constantly feels like it's beating out of her chest at the mere thought of Natalia.

She doesn't know how to convince Natalia she's fine when picturing Frank courting her friend makes her heart feel like it's breaking.

Or how to make Natalia see that sleepless nights sulking are a small price to pay for her happiness.

Natalia would be appalled but Olivia can admit it, to herself now at least, that this is love. 

That she loves Natalia, is _in_ love with Natalia.

Olivia opens her middle desk drawer and reaches for the mirror stored inside. Her reflection hasn’t changed since she painstakingly applied her makeup not too long ago.

Yet she can't comprehend the woman staring back at her. 

There were no lines she hadn't been willing to cross to get what she wanted, what she felt the world owed her. But now the mere thought of causing Natalia the slightest bit of distress had her slamming on the breaks.

The irony wasn't lost on her.

Olivia was running out of time and she couldn't think of a single excuse that would pass muster with Natalia. 

The truth? 

The truth was even worse.

It's not like she could say ‘ _No really Natalia I'm fine I promise, it's just that I've gone and fallen in love with you but don't worry I understand that aside from the mountains of other problems we’d have to deal with, your religious beliefs would never let us be together. So I planned a romantic dinner to help cheer you up since I knew you could use it after the day you had.Only I sent Frankie in my steed since he’s an acceptable suitor and that effectively kept me up all night sulking.’_ _  
_  
Even hearing the diatribe internally has Olivia rolling her eyes at herself and sighing.  
  
 _Yeah, there's no way that could go wrong._

Once it’s apparent there’s no getting out of facing her fate Olivia tries to steel herself.  
  
Opting to fortify herself with one last sip of coffee before calling out, “Come in.”  
  
Natalia stalks into the office closing the door firmly behind her. 

She makes her way into the center of the room stopping squarely in front of Olivia’s desk.

Minutes pass but she doesn’t speak. 

Olivia does her best not to squirm under the intensity of Natalia's unwavering gaze.  
  
 _Okay this is not at all disconcerting. Why is she looking at me like that? And why the fuck hasn't she said anything._

Olivia breaks the silence aiming for breezy but falling short.  
  
“Hiya Natalia. What’s up?”  
  
Natalia continues her silent assessment for another minute or so before locking eyes with Olivia and uttering a single word, 

“Why?”  
  
It isn’t a question.

It’s a demand.  
  
If Olivia were a cartoon there would no doubt be smoke billowing from her head indicating the gears were frantically spinning in overdrive.  
  
 _She couldn’t possibly know._  
  
“Um, what are you talking about?”  
  
“Olivia Spencer, you know damn well what I’m talking about and I want an explanation now!”  
  
Any answer Olivia may have come up with was lost as all her effort became immediately tied up in trying not to grin. 

She had _always_ felt a rush at Natalia’s fiery side.

She just hadn’t always known what it _meant_.

Couldn’t have even fathomed it back in the days they spent at each other’s throats. First, fighting over Gus and then ‘his’ heart. Olivia had merely attributed the adrenaline rush from their clashes to hatred. 

It’s easy to recall the way she reveled in their fights. How she always tried to prolong those heady feelings.

Only to find herself afterwards struggling with foreign feelings of guilt that plagued a conscience she hadn’t dusted off for quite some time.  
  
She knew better now what the rush really meant, the ways more enjoyable than fighting it could be obtained. 

A cough sounded from somewhere in front of her causing Olivia to pale dramatically as she registered that her time to dwell had quickly run out.

And more importantly that she was doing an awful job of concealing her smirk if Natalia's narrowed glare was anything to go by.

_Shit Spencer, now is sooooo not the time to be thinking about_ **_that._ **

Olivia did her best to conceal her rising panic as she frantically tried to shift her mind out of the gutter and into focusing on getting Natalia less pissed at her.  
  
“Look Natalia, I really have no—”  
  
“¡Puta madre!”  
  
Olivia’s mouth clicked shut with an audible snap, her eyes widening considerably.

The expletive was meant to have been said under Natalia's breath but Olivia heard it clear as day.

And boy had she severely underestimated the amount of trouble she was in.  
  
“Okay, see, now I really _really_ wanted to hear you explain yourself, but I know you well enough to know that isn’t going to happen.”

Natalia paused, taking a deep breath before continuing to speak, this time slowly enunciating each word as if she were speaking to a small, particularly difficult child.

Only much more condescending.

“So I’m going to go ahead and tell you _what_ you did and you are going to tell me _why_ you did it.” 

Evidently not expecting an actual answer Natalia continued, “Now Olivia I want you to nod if you understand me.”  
  
Olivia at a complete loss was unable to do anything but comply.

Natalia’s, “Wonderful”, was punctuated by a brief clap of her hands.

“Now I want to know why I came home last night, trying to pull myself together, just wanting to spend time with the family that I actually could, only to find a romantic dinner, that has Olivia Spencer written all over it mind you, but no you and Emma or even a you sans Emma. No, instead I find FRANK COOPER standing in my kitchen with that ridiculous grin on his face!”  
  
At this point Olivia was pretty much gaping like a fish out of water unable to think words let alone vocalize them.  
  
“Natalia?!” Olivia is dismayed to realize she actually _squeaked_ .  
  
 _I am Olivia Spencer and Olivia Spencer does Not squeak dammit but shit fuck shit what am I supposed to say?_  
  
“Yessss, O-liv-i-a”, the way Natalia drags out the syllables coupled with the dangerously low tone of her voice would have had almost anyone swallowing hard. It was only years of being a business mongrel that kept Olivia herself from noticeably gulping.

Olivia reaches for her coffee simply for something to do with her hands.  
  
 _Ok so she definitely knows._

And retracts her hand just as quickly when she remembers where exactly her coffee currently _is_. Natalia folds her arms and raises a brow at Olivia's fidgeting.  
  
 _No really ya think? What gave it away?_

Olivia tries to open her mouth, she really does, it’s just nothing seems to happening.  
  
 _Alright snarking at yourself...in your own damn mind? Not helping here. Focus. ok so lying’s out of the question….. looks like it’s half- truth time._  
  
“I just want you to be happy.”  
  
“And what _exactly_ made you think I _wasn’t_ happy, Olivia?”  
  
“I..I...I didn’t mean, I just thought that—”  
  
“Frank Cooper?! Olivia.”

At Natalia’s volume Olivia flinches slightly.  
  
“I mean seriously, I have been practically fending off his advances since I first got to town! Sure he backed off once he realized I was involved with Gus but how long do you think that lasted after Gus died, Olivia?”

Olivia can’t stop her wince at that but feels like she ought to see this through. After all, it was what was best for everyone. 

Wasn’t it?  
  
“He’s a good man Natalia.”

“So is Mister Rogers but I don’t want to date him either!”

Olivia’s mouth drops open again.

Natalia plants her hands firmly on her hips, “I’m well aware of Frank’s good man status, Olivia but that’s not reason enough to what? What exactly is the plan here am I supposed to _marry_ him?!” 

Olivia can hear the exasperation seeping out of every syllable falling from Natalia’s lips and the thought of Natalia actually _marrying_ Frank goddamn Cooper has the coffee in her stomach threatening a return visit.

She knows it’s past the time to own up but then she was never especially good at concessions.

“But Natalia—”

“¡Cállate, chingado!" the expletive is delivered with enough venom that Olivia has to rack her brain to try and remember if Natalia _knows_ that Olivia is fluent.

She doesn’t think dropping _that_ bomb now if Natalia is not in fact aware will turn out well for her at all.

Determined movement draws Olivia’s complete attention as Natalia sits down in the chair across from the desk.

All Olivia can do is to remind herself to breathe because Natalia wastes no time in reaching over to take her hand. 

The instinct to pull away is too strong to resist but Natalia just grasps Olivia’s hands more firmly when she tries. Deliberately rubbing her thumb over Olivia’s knuckles. 

Olivia doesn’t attempt to disentangle their hands again just steadfastly keeps her head down.  
  
“Olivia, I need you to look at me.”  
  
Olivia’s eyes remain resolutely trained on her desk.  
  
 _Nope, can’t do it. Not possible. Not going to look. Looking will lead to losing the extremely small bit of resolve I have in which case I cannot not be responsible for what are sure to be extremely embarrassing actions on my part._ _  
_  
Disengaging her right hand Natalia gently reaches out and hooks her fingers under Olivia’s chin, tenderly lifting Olivia’s head until their eyes are locked.  
  
“Olivia I need you to listen to me okay?”

Natalia waits, ends up having to give Olivia’s hands a squeeze to get an admissible affirmative that Olivia is listening but just to be sure, “And not just listen but really hear what it is I’m saying.”

It’s barely audible, Natalia has to strain to make it out but when Oliva promises she’s listening Natalia has to reign in a few tears of relief.

Natalia leans forward slightly, “I have absolutely no interest in Frank Cooper, none, whatsoever, At. All. I’d like to be able to count him among my friends but his whole puppy love demeanor around me can make that a bit awkward.”  
  
Olivia can’t hide her grimace and in spite of the situation Natalia finds herself giggling.

“Olivia I am the happiest I can ever remember being. Living at the farmhouse with you and Emma, working at the Beacon. I am in such a good place in my life right now and there are only two things that could possibly make me any happier. Would you care to venture a guess as to what they may be?”  
  
Completely mesmerized by the depth of emotion in Natala’s gaze, Olivia realizes she won’t be regaining the power of speech anytime soon and merely shakes her head no.  
  
“Rafe home. So that our family can be complete.” 

This time it’s Olivia who gently squeezes their still clasped hands, trying to pour all the support she can muster into the gesture.

She’s so focused on comforting Natalia the ‘our’ doesn’t quite hit her.

Natalia smiles gratefully, “Rafe was my entire world for so long that when he was suddenly gone, it was like missing a piece of myself. But I’ve done things this last year I didn’t think I was capable of. And I know now that I can live for me and not love my son any less. And so much of that is because of _you_ Olivia.”

Natalia reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Olivia’s ear.

“And You and Emma? You both helped me put my pieces back together. We built a _home_ together. One that’s full of love and warmth and belonging and I don’t think I had ever felt that even before my parents—”

There’s no conscious thought as Olivia moves swiftly around her desk, crouching next to Natalia to extend a comforting arm.

Natalia sinks into the embrace, burying her face in the crook of Olivia’s shoulder and delivering her next words against Olivia’s ear.

“I love the three of you so very much. You and Emma and Rafe, you’re my _family.”_

She pulls back reluctantly to meet Olivia’s gaze again.

“I just...I cannot wait for Rafe to get out so all of us can be together. It may not be exactly the way I pictured it as a little girl, but it’s what I’ve always dreamed of having and it’s so very close to coming true.”  
  
Olivia watches as Natalia drifts off no doubt daydreaming of saccharine domestic scenes invoked by her impassioned speech.  
  
She carefully rises from her position next to Natalia, pivoting to rest a hip on her desk before returning her attention to the vision before her.

Natalia is clearly lost in her own thoughts leaving Olivia free to take in every nuance of the beautiful woman she’d come to love.

The office surrounding them melts away, turning into the farmhouse kitchen.  
  
Olivia observes as Natalia and Emma dance around the kitchen happily making dinner, while a doppelganger of herself helps Rafe with a paper he’s working on for a business class at Springfield U.  
  
Then she’s standing outside looking on as Emma squeals running toward the duck pond. Rafe hot on her heels, the other her and Natalia strolling leisurely behind hands intertwined, watching their children horse around and feed the ducks acting for all the world like siblings who had grown up together.  
  
The scene shifts once again this time her and Natalia are curled up together on one end of the sofa with Emma spread out taking up the other, Rafe is sprawled out on the floor, a forgotten bowl of popcorn off to the side, while a well worn copy of Finding Nemo playes on screen.  
  
By the time Olivia regains her senses she is valiantly holding back tears but she manages to croak out,  
  
“And the second?” Not allowing too much hope to bleed into her voice.  
  
The sudden noise startles Natalia out of her reverie. In which, she had been imagining her and Olivia hand in hand trailing behind Rafe as an excited Emma dragged her willing victim to meet her ducks.  
  
Natalia clears her throat and blinks her eyes free of the tears threatening to fall.  
  
Entirely unaware that the unshed tears shimmering in her love’s eyes were evoked by the nearly identical scene played out in her own psyche.  
  
Reestablishing eye contact, Natalia raises her hand bringing it to Olivia’s cheek.  
  
“Well last night’s dinner was a beautiful idea but next time I’d appreciate it if the brains of the operation stuck around to share it.” Natalia says with a pointed look.  
  
Olivia can’t prevent the small gasp as the younger woman’s words registered in her mind.  
  
“Wait do you mean—” the sentence never does get finished as Natalia’s exasperated voice cuts in.  
  
“Oh my gosh do I have to hit you over the head with this?!”  
  
Before Olivia can formulate an acceptable response, Natalia leans forward closing the small gap between them. Their eyes flutter shut as they both get lost in the overwhelming sensation. The kiss deepens, each of them desperately trying to get just that little bit closer, only breaking apart when air becomes an issue.  
  
“Ya know I don’t think I get it just yet maybe you should hit me over the head again.”  
  
Natalia still breathless from one hell of a kiss nearly passes out from _the_ Olivia Spencer sex voice being used on _her_ . She can’t help but think the older woman would be the death of her but what a way to go.  
  
This last thought brings on a full fledged smile complete with dimples.  
  
“Oh I think that can be arranged,” Natalia purrs.  
  
Olivia finds the irony fitting that the woman who saved her life in so many ways would probably be the one to kill her.  
  
Especially if she continues using _that_ voice. 

Not to mention the dimples. 

Oh God the dimples.  
  
Olivia’s last coherent thought before losing herself Natalia's embrace is  
  
 _But what a way to go._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if anyone will even end up reading an Otalia fic in 2021 and one that's a spruced up up version of an old one at that but I remember the encouragement and support and incredible kindness i was treated with from the Otalia fandom over at incandescentfire when i was a baby fic writer posting my first story ~~even if it took many years after that for me to get to posting much more than that.~~
> 
> It's easy to look back at something I wrote around hs and cringe but while i'd like to think this piece is a testament to how i've grown as a writer since then. Those fellow writers and fans expressed their love for that story as it was and i think about that a lot honestly when i struggle with feeling like 'a real writer'
> 
> This remaster is dedicated to them.
> 
> you can find me at [change-the-rules](http://change-the-rules.tumblr.com/) where i am more likely to respond so feel free to hit me up there if you're still loving otalia these days


End file.
